Dear Old me,
You use to be so shy and scared of the world. You never spoke in class or made a conscious effort to meet new people. I remember how you felt “Different,” and never exposed of that because you were afraid to show people the “real you” since you didn’t fit into any of the social groups in middle or high school. Different was written all over my face and those who saw me knew that. I never did wear what all the other girls were wearing. I stuck to my Levi jeans and wore shirts that didn’t dispose of my stomach. But besides the point, there were so many struggles that you faced alone; apart from the depression and anxiety, you were so insecure to show your true colors because you were afraid that people wouldn’t accept you and you wasted your precious time on silly things that didn’t matter like on what makeup to wear or what bands you listened to or what clothes you had on. But the truth is none of that even matters because as you grow older the things that once mattered don’t take over your ego anymore. It truly did not matter whether you listened to The Beatles or Skrillex (Well, I’d hope you would pick The Beatles instead….). What music you listen to does not define who you are, it is a part of you! You did not have to stop listening to your favorite artists just so you would fit in with your friends. If you had to change that for them then they weren’t even friends to begin with. So it does not matter that these people walked out of your life and hurt you. They were not meant to be in your life to begin with and decided to move on. Experiences that hurt are sometimes life lessons in disguise and I’m so glad that you learned from them and found who your true friends were. Just know that no one has the power to make you feel “small” but yourself and that is the main thing I want you to remember when you feel depressed. You can make a difference in someone’s life and will in the future as long as you don’t give up on your dreams and don’t stop believing in miracles. One day you will find someone who loves you will all their heart and soul and will never forget what it is like to have them and be content. I know you thought back then that no one could love your wasted soul but that wasn’t true and it took you a while to figure that out. Everyone is capable of love. Especially the broken people. And sometimes they need it the most. The ones who were let down the most, taken advantage of and walked on- those people- someday someone special will fall in love with you and your every move: the way you smile, laugh, walk, talk and the way your hair blows on a windy day. You might not even realize they do but never take anything for granted because we all live once and never be afraid to tell someone how you feel because hearts are left broken to things left unspoken. I hope you keep all that in mind. I am proud of the person you have become today.
The New You!