50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (inspired by the Paul Simon song!!)

“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy and men are stupid.  And the main reason women are crazy is because men are stupid.”

-George Carlin

lol laughing sophia loren

 

1. Trash their car or spray paint a nasty message on their car something that they did to you!

Hmmm…something that says “Bastard, loser or perhaps tiny balls.”

Image result for spray painted car

Now if that doesn’t come from the heart then I don’t know what does?!

 

2. When he walks by on the beach with his new chick, show off the new and improved summer bod to show him what he has missed…

Image result for fat summer body girl

Maybe then he will come running back to you or he just might act like you are invisible.  On the other hand, if he ignores you there is always something else you can resort to…

3.  Hit the bottle or go to the club

You know he’s the one that left you and I mean if this doesn’t make the night at least a little more bearable than I don’t know what will…?  That means a night to forget all the bad things he’s done to you and taking a night to enjoy yourself even if that means spending all day tomorrow hugging the toilet…

New Girl party fox drinking wine

 

4. Send him a package of all the stuff he’s bought for you after you have burned it!

The one thing he gave you so that you could take a piece of him everywhere even when you are on the road.  But you are clearing out your closet and drawers and you come upon little Princess Lulu bear and it reminds you of all the strife and the pain he caused you.  So you get together with girls from support group that have went through the same thing and the therapist asked me, “and how does make you feel?” and I said, “Shitty, like I don’t belong…” and then she suggested, “Well, part of the healing process is to burn any possessions he gave you and then send it to him, let out all the profanities within you and drink lots of whiskey!”

Sorry goodbye Princess Lulu bear!

Related image

 

5. Dye your hair like a rainbow or become Avril Lavigne!

Now what’s cuter than that? WHAT A TRANSFORMATION!!

Image result for avril lavigne punk stage

 

6. Transform into Nicki Minaj!

if that doesn’t work for you, you can always resort to a new look.  Although I don’t recommend it.  Whatever it takes to make you feel sexy again.  And if that means looking like a deranged lollipop then so be it.

Image result for nicki minaj

 

7. Move to Italy for a year

Image result for Italy memes

Although Italian men are pigs you can visit a new piazza or museum each day.  There’s the Santa Maria Della Croce and the Castel Sant’Angelo! Or you could create the Creation of David with your friends.

 

8. Find out who his current girlfriend is and then write her a note pretending to be him!

It could say something like “Dear Beth, I am sorry this just isn’t working out.  I heard you’ve been sleeping with the entire cheerleading and football squad.  This type of behavior just won’t cut it for me…Goodbye!”

90s retro vhs stationery dear diary

 

9. Get into Korean-Pop! 

You can always change up the style a bit, get into something a little more OUT THERE!

Maybe some “Girl’s Generation” will do!

 

10. Send him a cake anonymously with a message

Well it’s the thought that counts, right?

Image result for cake memes

 

11. Go to a party you know he’ll be at hook up with one of his friends

Make sure he sees you with his friend and hears the conversation.  There will be a lot of room for tension and jealousy…But you aren’t going down without a fight.

love games live party

 

12. Go screaming “THE BRITISH ARE COMINGGG!” on the streets

Hey, it’s the 21st century but whatever you need to do to liven up your life a little.

british 

 

13. Chow down!

NETFLIX eating hungry burger drew barrymore

14. Or maybe for more attention you can scream to the sky but I doubt that would lessen your pain….

Image result for liberal screaming as trump sworn in gif

 

15.  You could go exploring different parts of the city like in the movie “Pretty Woman”!

80s julia roberts richard gere pretty woman

(To be continued…)

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